Squidward GAY?
by vibegrrl
Summary: Spongebob invites squidward over for dinner, but does he soon find out that squidward is gay?NOT DONE BUT VERY FUNNY! this is my 1st fanfic. Ch. 4 is up. I think it's the best yet!nothing to graphic,so if ur sick minded, 2 BAD! any ideas email me, ok? ok!
1. The beginning

Spongebob and Squidward...Is it love?

Welcome to the Krusty Krab

"Welcome to Bikini Bottom's favorite restaurant, Krusty Krab, home of the famous Krabby Patty. What do you want?" Squidward muttered to Patrick, the stupid starfish.

"Uhhh, ummmm, duuuuuuh, uhhhhhhhhhhhh"

"PATRICK!" Spongebob ran out of the kitchen with his spatula still in his hand.

"Spongebob! I didn't know you worked here?" Patrick said.

"Arrr, Arrr, Arrr." Mr. Krabs, the boss of the Krusty Krab, came out of his office. "Patrick, how many times have you come to this restaurant? And yet, you still don't know that Spongebob works here. Now Spongebob, there's a nasty barnacle under table 3, go and clean it up."

"Yes Sir!" Spongebob responded, shoving his shining yellow spatula into his spongy head. He went over to table 3 and started cleaning it.

"Now Squidward, I wont be able to make it to work tomorrow, I have to bring Pearl, my daughter, to the mall with her friends. She thinks I'm coral!"

Pearl runs in. "I told you to stop saying that! When you say coral, it is so, so, uncoral! Now my friends and I just use cool."

"But I am cor...I mean, cool! Arr, Arr, Arr" Mr. Krabs said.

"STOP EMBARASING ME!" Pearl ran out of the restaurant crying.

Mr. Krabs walked back to his office to count his money. It was almost closing time.

"Squidward, Squidward, Squidward, Squidward?" Spongebob repeated himself until Squidward responded.

"WHAT!"

"Do you want to come over for dinner tonight? Spongebob begged.

"If it will get you off my back." Squidward responded nastily.

That night at dinner...

"Now Gary, remember, While you are at Patrick's for he night, you have to listen to whatever he says. If you need to call me, then call, but only if it is an emergency. Now, finish up your dinner!" Spongebob lectured to his pet snail.

"Meow!" Gary responded. He swallowed his whole dinner in one bite, and burped out his bowl. He slivered away and went to Patrick's. The doorbell rang.

"O GOODY! THAT MUST BE SQUIDWARD!" Spongebob ran to the door. "Good evening sir!"

"Hi Spongebob" Squidward said, seeming a bit cheery. "So, what are we having for dinner?"

"Well..." Spongebob said. "To start off, I made Seaweed soup. Then we will have beef onion stew, which I made because it's your favorite, and for dessert, Chocolate mud pie! Which I know is your favorite."

"Thanks." Squidward smiled and put his arm on Spongebob.


	2. What's that

After dinner...

"Hey Squidward? A movie is on, do you want to watch it?" Spongebob and Squidward watched TV for about 2 hours when Squidward decided he didn't want to watch it anymore. He lifted Spongebob's head of his shoulder (he fell asleep) and left a note. When Spongebob woke up, he read the note.

Dear Spongy,

Hi hunny. You were asleep and it was time for me to leave. How about tomorrow, same place, same time. I have a surprise for ya!

Love ya sexi,

Squidward

This note made spongebob feel very special and gave him butterflies. He couldn't wait for tonight. To bad they didn't have work.

That Night

**ding dong**

Spongebob looked up from the note he read from Patrick saying that gary wanted to sleep over again tonight.

"yes" spongebob thought to himself. He walked over to the door and opened it. Squidward was dressed in a sexy dress...ok, a fancy top and no pants **wink wink** He was holding what seemed like a white basket filled to the top with something that was covered.

"whats in the basket?" Spongebob asked.

"A surprise!" Squidward showered him in flowers and walked inside. He dumped his basket and out flew a couple of packets of something.

"Woooooooooowwwwwwwwww...Whats that?"

"These..." Said squidward, "Are condoms"

"What are they?" Spongebob acted confused.

"Well, put one on and I will tell you. Here, I'll put it on for you, take off your pants..."

The next day (Monday) at work...

"Mr. Krabs, Mr. Krabs! Look what squidward gave me yesterday!"

Mr. Krabs looked at him then shielded his eyes. "Spongebob, PULL YOUR PANTS UP!"

"But Mr. Krabs! I wanted to show you what to do with them! Squidward showed me yesterday!! It was fun. Please!!!"

Mr. Krabs looked at spongebob then screamed. "SQUIDWARD!"


	3. I'm Ready!

"SQUIDWARD!!!" Mr. Krabs shouted  
  
"Yes, Mr. Krabs?" Squidward answered, unusually cheerful  
  
"Squidward..." he began, "You know what? Never mind I think I'm better off not knowing"  
  
"Ooooooh I get it" Squidward said knowingly, "This is about the condoms isn't it?"  
  
"Uh..."  
  
"Don't worry Mr. Krabs, I'll show you how to use them tonight" He said with a wink  
  
Mr. Krabs looked pale for a few seconds before turning a gross green. He ran into the bathroom and began throwing up repeatedly

Mr. Krabs walks back and looks at squidward.  
"You will never...EVER..." Too late. Squidward pulls down his pants and reveals 2 packs of condoms waiting to be used....

that night

"O, Mr. Krabs, I just love your place! It just feels so, so homey, if you know what I mean! WHAT DO YOUR GET IF YOU TAKE THE M OUT OF HOMEY AND PUT IN RN!?! That's what I mean by your house!" Squidward jumped onto Mr. Krabs and started kissing him.

Back at Spongebob's

"O GARY! If only you could have been here. It was so fun. Squidward taught me how to use a condom! He gave me an extra one and I want to teach you!"

"MEOW!?!?!??!?!?!?!" Gary slivered away as fast as he could.

"FINE! BUT IT'S FUN! YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE MISSING OUT ON!" Spongebob screamed after Gary.

Spongebob looked down at his pants and a giggle escaped his mouth. Quietly, he took off his pants and looked at the door...

Back at Krab's

"O Squidward, that was so fun!" Mr. Krabs looked out the window. "O MY GOD! Mr. SQUIDWARD! COME QUICK! LOOK!!!!!!!!" Outside they heard a laughing chorus of "I'm ready, I'm ready!" and saw Spongebob running around with no pants, OR UNDERWEAR! They looked at each other and down to their bare bottoms. A smile approached on their face as they ran outside.

outside

"IM READY! IM READY! IM READY!"

So...how did you like my story? Once I get over 7 reviews, I'll continue. I've got a good idea for the next one. I'll give ya'll a clue...it includes a clarinet wink wink


	4. triple timer

HEY EVERYONE! This one is a short chapter, im sorry, BUT! Its very funny, but kinda kinky, lol. AND THANK YOU KELLY FOR CHAPTER 3, YOU HELPED A LOT. EVERYONE SHOULD KNOW THAT U BEGAN IT, AND EVEN THOUGH U THOUGH MR. KRABS SHOULDN'T BE GAY...LOL... I HAD TO! LOL. THANKS AND ALSO, THANKS SOOO MUCH FOR ALL THE REVIEWS! I REALLY APRECCIATE IT!

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"good morning world and all who inhabit it!" spongebob woke with a bright smile on his face and walked downstairs to feed Gary.  
"The most importiant meal of the day, is serving it up, Gary's way! BUM!" spongebob sung a little tune and fed Gary. "Off to work! o wait! todays a holiday! maybe i should check up on squidward to see how he is doing!"  
Spongebob cha cha cha'ed over to squidwards singing..."I DO THE CHA CHA LIKE A SISSY GRL!" knock knock. "Squidward? YOU HOME!!!!!?!?!" the door opened on its own... 

"hmm, I wonder where squidward is." Spongebob walked inside and looked around. He heard some noises coming from upstairs and walked up to squid's room. Slowly, he opened the door to find squidward making love to his clarinet.

"SQUIDWARD! YOU TWO TIMER!" Spongebob ran outside crying and went to patrick's house.

"O Patrick, it's horrible. SQUIDWARD CH, CH, CH, CHEATED!"

"WHAT!?! WE WEATED?"

"NO PAT! HE CHEATED!" Spongebob cried even louder.

"Well, that's funny, because mr. krabs came by a little while ago and told me squid cheated on him!"

"O MY GOOD GOLLY GOSH! O MY O MY O MY!" Spongebob danced around the room saying that with his harms out and his hands down (spread the gayness) "HOW COULD HE! THAT TRIPPLE TIMER!"

"It's not that bad." Patrick said. "Here, try this..." Patrick handed spongebob a reef blower.

"What do I do with this?" Spongebob asked.

"This!" Said Patrick, shoving the mouth of the reef blower down spongebob's pants.

"O, MY, GOD! IT FEELS SO, SO, GOOD!" Spongebob played around with the reef blower for a little and thanked Patrick. Soon he left with the reef blower sticking out of his pants.

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PLEASE REVIEW AND TELL ME IF U LIKE THIS CHAPTER. I NEED SOME MORE IDEAS, PLEASE HELP?I'LL THINK AND ONCE I GET 10 REVIEWS, I WILL POST THE NEXT CHAPTER! I PROMISE IT WILL GET EVEN FUNNIER. AND IT MIGHT EVEN INCLUDE PLANKTON! LOL. SO, THANKS! AND AGAIN, IM VERY SORRY FOR HOW SHORT THIS CHAPTER IS, IT WILL BE LONGER NEXT TIME, I PROMISE. BUT I AM GOING AWAY TO THE BEACH FOR ABOUT A WEEK. I'LL TRY TO WRITE MORE WHILE THERE SO IT WILL BE AN EXTRA LONG CHAPTER. ATLEAST 1000 WORDS!


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